The blog that never was - the social media honey trap

Saturday, 13th January: A date that’s been in my calendar for months. In June last year, I didn’t complete the 108-mile Summer Spine Challenger ultramarathon and thought I would take another crack at it, signing up for the Winter event. I dreamt of redemption and planned to go back and nail it in what is an even more unforgiving environment - in the heart of the UK Winter with the harshest, unpredictable weather, mostly submerged in darkness, out on the trails of the Pennine Way.

So how did it go, you ask?

Well, unfortunately, I was not in sub-zero temperatures with those crazy competitors. Instead, I found myself on my sofa, in my warm house, very much in my comfort zone.

So here we are, and why write this blog then?

Well, one reason I am writing this is as a reminder to myself that social media is in no way a realistic depiction of anyone’s life experience. It showcases only the good bits; the highlight reel, and gives the impression that everyone is living their best life.

Of course, you only see what people want you to see. Life is not a social media post, and sometimes things don’t go as planned.

So what happened to me? Like Bojo’s Brexit plan, my excuses are oven-ready: cold and flu season, an Achilles injury that seems to be with me for good, and a busy Christmas calendar. But the truth of the matter is that I felt like hibernating for a couple of months, and no amount of self-talk could muster the hunger I needed to train hard.

For me personally, every time I don’t train, I have to fight that gnawing feeling that I can and should be doing more, with the internal critic telling me that I am not enough. Each week of inactivity comes with a large dose of guilt and imposter syndrome. Am I an ultra-runner? Could I even call myself a runner now that the sofa-dwelling sloth has taken over?

I know, that’s a whole lot of negativity. I am working on it. Progress is slow with some people.

So here’s the lesson I tell myself: if self-discipline fails, then self-kindness is the only way forward.

What’s done is done, so without shame or self-punishment, I accept that I took my foot off the gas and didn’t reach my goals, and I accept that I am fallible and imperfect.

Of course, the irony here is that the only person I disappointed was myself, and no one could care less if I did or didn’t participate in or complete this event. So why waste energy on negative thoughts? The only thing I can control is what’s in front of me, so my focus is on where I am headed and not where I have been.

Over the past few weeks, I have just started to fall back in love with running, and on the horizon, I have the trip of a lifetime - an ultramarathon in the Amazon jungle. I feel like I am getting my mojo back and would love nothing more than to go out to Peru feeling fit, healthy, and happy.